


This Happens Every Election Cycle

by Elizabeth Perry (watersword)



Category: The West Wing
Genre: American Politics, Dialogue-Only, Gen, Iowa, Political Campaigns, betsythemuffin is a bad influence, hardin county is a real place
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-09
Updated: 2014-11-09
Packaged: 2018-02-24 17:42:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2590481
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watersword/pseuds/Elizabeth%20Perry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Donna, what is this?"</p><p>"Well, Josh, to the untrained eye it looks very much like a piece of paper. To the professional, however, it — wait, wait, no, it still looks like a piece of paper, because <em>that's what it is</em>."</p>
            </blockquote>





	This Happens Every Election Cycle

"DONNA!"

"I know you know I'm seated literally five feet from you, you don't have to shout."

"Donna, what is this?"

"Well, Josh, to the untrained eye it looks very much like a piece of paper. To the professional, however, it — wait, wait, no, it still looks like a piece of paper, because _that's what it is_."

"It's the schedule for the Iowa debates."

"Why are you asking me, then, if you know what it is. Oh God you're going to explain why, I can tell."

"There's a debate in Iowa. At Ellsworth Community College."

"You know, being a snob about community colleges is a really unattractive trait, Josh, and shows a disdain for the common experience and the American desire for education —"

"Donna, you don't understand."

"I'm pretty sure I understand that you think community colleges are —"

"Donna! The community college is not the cause for concern here."

"Oh really."

"Yes, really! The debate at Ellsworth Community College is being billed as  _The Hardin County Debate_."

"Ellsworth Communi — oh. I see."

"Yes. Hardin County."

"It's a real place!"

"That's not my problem."

"No, your problemis that you are a _six-year-old boy_."

"I'm at least twelve!"

"You are a six-year-old boy who has somehow snuck past the Secret Service to the office of the deputy chief of staff, and I'm going back to my desk now, because Congressman Kushner's secretary is on hold. When you're done snickering, C.J.'s in her office. You can express your concerns about Jon Stewart's coverage of the Hardin County debate to her."

"She'll laugh at me."

"Oh, Josh. It's so cute how you think this bothers me."

* * *

"DONNA!"

"Does our health insurance cover hearing loss? I'm asking only because I'm going to need hearing aids well before the median age of seventy, and it's going to be directly attributable to your shouting."

"I do not shout."

"You shout all the time!"

"I don't shout. I speak with a manly commanding tone."

"You shout. On rare occasions, you shriek."

"I'm _going_ to shout if you don't take these over to C.J."

"What are— oh, Josh."

"Don't _oh, Josh_ me. Just take them to C.J."

"No."

"Donna!"

"No. You don't pay me to do your dirty work for you."

"That is literally exactly what I pay you for."

"You don't _underpay_ me to take your copy of the Iowa debate schedule over to C.J. when you've festooned it with post-its with little drawings of penises. No."

"But Donna!"

"No."

"Donnaaaaaaaa."

"No."

"Donnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa."

"It's amazing that you think this is going to work."

"My personal charm and powers of persuasion will carry the day. I was on the editorial board of the _Harvard Crimson_ , you know."

"You're an idiot."

* * *

"DONNA!"

"Yes, Josh?"

"What is this?"

"Well, I can't tell if you keep flapping it around like an ineffectual wing. But it appears to be a common-or-garden printout."

"My calendar for tomorrow!"

"Okay."

"It has a seminar on it!"

"Continuing education and intellectual curiosity are important parts of growing as a person, Josh."

"A seminar on sexual harassment!"

"Imagine that."

"My attendance is mandatory!"

"Wow."

"Why are you not outraged at this? I'm a very important man! I have important things to be doing! I'm the _White House Deputy Chief of Staff!_ "

"Yeah, you've told me. I'm not convinced, to be honest."

"Donna!"

"Yes, Josh?"

"What have you done?"

"I really don't know what you're talking about."

"You have somehow, by trickery and guile, and, and, Midwestern niceness, manipulated CAO in some treacherous fashion. That may be treason, Donna."

"I can tell you with complete truthfulness that I have spoken to no one in CAO since my last cost-of-living adjustment. Last January. Can we discuss how my compensation is inadequate?"

"No, because we're discussing how I'm being forced to go to a sexual harassment seminar instead of meeting with Kushner about marijuana policy enforcement!"

"You don't care about drug policy enforcement."

"I care less about sexual harassment!"

" _Really_."

"Uh."

"A safe working environment is important, Josh. You're an important man. You should foster an office of respectful dialogue. C.J. agrees with me."

"Oh my God."

"The White House should model equal opportunity employment to the rest of the country. C.J. agrees with me on that, too."

"Oh my God."

"Do you need a seminar on diversity in the office, Josh?"

"Oh my G— no! No, what I need is for you to stop plotting behind my back with C.J.! That's not fair!"

"You're my boss and you technically out-rank C.J. Fair doesn't really come into it when you're the person in a position of authority."

"If I apologize for the penises, can I go to my meeting with Kushner?"

"I don't know why you're asking me, I didn't sign you up for the seminar."

"If I _grovel_ , can I go to my meeting with Kushner?"

"I've never seen you grovel. You're kind of arrogant. C.J. would want video evidence."

"DONNA."


End file.
